CUTE is a 4-letter word
by Midori-Emmi
Summary: All Midorima did was follow Takao back to his house because the raven forgot to bring his jersey to practice. How did a perfectly normal basketball practice turn into a whirlwind of insanity? "I can't believe you two...!" "This is a misunderstanding!" "Otou-san!" Poor Midorima, apparently his lucky item can only do so much when his teammates are involved. ONESHOT.


**So a normal plot bunny crawled into my brain and died. I found its carcass and decided it could still be salvaged. And thus this oneshot was born.**

**To be honest I don't even know how the title is related, but who cares? I don't.**

**Oh and I decided to recycle Kazumi's name from 'I'll Be Waiting'. Everything about her except the fact that she's Takao's younger sister, is made up by me.**

**Disclaimer: When Midorima and Takao kiss and tell the senpai-tachi that they are together. I got the awesome pic of Shutoku from Tumblr.**

**Warning(s): Crack, implied MidoTaka, implied BL, Shutoku regulars, Takao being himself…add more if you deem fit.**

* * *

Midorima wonders why he is even walking, WALKING with Takao to said boy's home because he just HAD to forget his jersey on a practice day. Of course, he could have gone without it and just threw on a random shirt, but Ootsubo-san was being an ass and insisted on everyone wearing it in order to 'get into the competition mood' it seems. Miyaji was completely supportive of this and even lugged along an entire crate of pineapples to further mimic the competition tension.

The yellow fruits make a nice addition to the deco of the bench, but Midorima still fails to see the reason they are necessary.

"Takao…remind me why we're walking to your house again."

He shrugs.

"Bicycle tyre conked out. That and I need my jersey."

"And you need ME to do that?"

Takao tilts his head to stare sideways at his partner.

"You don't look like senpai-tachi's pet, even if you might be a teacher's pet."

"That sounds wrong on so many levels, nanodayo."

The shooting guard would thank Takao, but that would mean another day of teasing and he cannot take any more of that whiney teasing voice that grinds at his eardrums. So he keeps quiet.

It was a long walk to the point guard's house, but they finally reach it and enter the gate after the raven brushes off some dust from the plate bearing his family name. Midorima waits outside the door while Takao runs to get his blasted jersey, and within five minutes he's back.

But with something – or rather someone – extra.

She looks up at the tall green-haired boy in wonder, her light green eyes the perfect picture of innocence as they stare into his.

"…who is this?"

Takao scratches his head sheepishly.

"Ah…this is Kazumi, my younger sister. Apparently her friend's parents cancelled last minute on a sleepover, and my parents are both busy today. So I have to bring her along."

"…"

"…"

Little Kazumi is practically a carbon copy of her big brother. Only, she has her reasonably long hair tied up into two short ponytails on either side of her head. That, and her eye colour looks nothing like her brother's silvery-blue. They are the colour of young leaves in spring. She still hasn't spoken or made a single noise.

Not even as they open the door to Shutoku's training halls and the other three starters glance over. Miyaji's jaw is the first to drop as he points at the trio and moves to look closer at the little girl.

"*gasps* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO HAD A KID!"

Everyone freezes, the only sound being a basketball dropping from the hoop. Midorima twitches.

"No, we did not have a kid. This is-"

"Did the two of you not use protection?"

The shooting guard did not know whether to keep his anger at Kimura-senpai interrupting to himself, or pick up the nearest basketball to toss it at his head for the lack of common sense he possessed. Takao shook his head violently and held Kazumi up by her armpits.

"S-Senpai! This is a misunderstanding! She is my-"

"I see you two have decided to come clean with your relationship."

Oh no not Ootsubo-san too. Midorima was starting to wonder why he chose to go to Shutoku. He adjusted his glasses and clutched the rubber ducky in his left hand for confidence and luck. It replied with a dignified squeak.

"Kazumi-chan here is not my kid! She is Takao's-"

"Midorima you bastard! How could you dump her on your wife?! Take responsibility like a man!"

The point guard had taken on the all-important job of squatting down and covering his sister's virgin ears while he squawked ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M HIS 'WIFE'?!") at Miyaji's statement. Midorima just clenched his rubber ducky harder as it let out another dignified squeak.

Takao gave an exasperated sigh as his sister reached over with a chubby hand to pat him on the head. She then walked towards Midorima, staring up at him for a few seconds before hugging his long legs and breaking out into a wide grin.

"Otou-san!"

"…!" …was the reaction of everyone within hearing range.

When the bespectacled boy looked down into Kazumi's mischievous and cheeky eyes, he officially concluded that troublemaking genes ran in the Takao family.

Practice had to be cancelled early due to too many members being traumatized by the turn of events.

* * *

**xXCuteXx**

* * *

It is always the job of older students to teach the younger ones in their club the proper skills, how they must walk on the right path of life, and how they must always obey their awesome senpai-tachi simply because. It may not be easy to be a good senpai, but once accomplished, it is a fulfilling experience.

That is why, as good senpai-tachi to the only two freshmen on the starting team, Ootsubo, Miyaji and Kimura decided to give them a lecture on safe and proper sex after practice was adjourned.

"So take this pineapple as the seme's junk. Remember, you must always put on a condom. Let me demonstrate."

Takao and Midorima could only imitate stone statues as they watched Miyaji struggle to pull a sock over the obviously too-big pineapple. It was not helping that Kimura and the captain were sitting to the side, enjoying a ripe one from the crate. Kazumi-chan already had her ears plugged up with tissue of course.

"…and then, you must make sure its secure and that there aren't holes anywhere."

The duo looked at the torn sock on the bruised pineapple before simultaneously turning to look at their blond senior, who looked completely unashamed that his visual aid was defying his explanation completely. Ootsubo then took his place as he pulled out a black wristband.

"During foreplay, you must first loosen up your partner by doing this."

Takao didn't know if he could look at black wristbands the same way ever again once the day was over.

"…and then, you put it in."

And the tallest senior did attempt to push an entire sports drink bottle through the poor piece of black cloth. Midorima finally gave into his urge and facepalmed. Kimura then stood up and took the two things from Ootsubo.

"After which, you-"

"Enough!"

Common sense was so rare in Shutoku's basketball team, it might as well be a superpower. Why was this happening?! Midorima had made sure to comply with Oha Asa's instructions of bringing a yellow rubber duck to alleviate his abnormally bad luck since his horoscope placed 10th…oh.

In order to salvage what was left of his sanity and luck, he squeezed his rubber ducky a few more times and took comfort in its high-pitched and completely dignified squeaks.

"Okaa-san…zose three people are scawwy an weird…"

It was with horror that the team found the makeshift earplugs had long fallen out from little Kazumi's ears as she hugged Takao and hid part of her face in his clothes. Midorima wondered why they did not seem bothered at all by how she addressed her own brother, until he remembered they did not know and decided to keep his mouth shut.

"You all…and you too Kazumi-chan…"

The temperature in the clubroom dropped. The seniors all gulped visibly as a black aura started to envelope their first year point guard. The shooting guard smirked a little as he knew how scary one Takao Kazunari could be when he was genuinely pissed.

The raven swiftly turned to look at his sister.

"…why am I the Okaa-san?! I should be the Otou-san and Shin-chan th-"

He facefaulted.

"THAT IS NOT THE POINT!"

Midorima facepalmed – HARD. Oh god why was he even still in this school he should have followed Akashi to Rakuzan or something. They had to be saner than this bunch of weirdos. Miyaji simply nodded while cupping his chin, as if they were having a very serious discussion.

"I agree. Midorima should be the Okaa-san instead."

Why were they even discussing about this?!

"Tsunderes are usually the ukes…"

Ootsubo-san!

"Yeah, not to mention I've heard some of the fangirls mention about how long his eyelashes are…"

KIMURA-SAN!

In just the course of one practice session, Midorima had had his sexuality questioned, been yelled at for apparently abandoning his 'wife and child', been forced to attend a mind-scarring lecture about sex, and finally had his role in their non-existent relationship questioned. He could already feel the last of his sanity evaporating.

He looked to the person beside him when he felt tugging on his uniform and instantly regretted it.

Kazumi was looking up with huge and absolutely adorable puppy eyes.

"Otou-san...why aren't you kissing Okaa-san and making him feel better?"

Midorima felt the last gear of common sense in his head go bust.

* * *

**xXCuteXx**

* * *

"-in-chan…Shin-chan!"

Midorima quickly jolted awake to see Takao looking up at him amusedly.

"Seriously? You fell asleep while waiting for me to get my jersey?"

Said clothing was in Takao's hands as well as a can of shiruko which he tossed and Midorima caught. The green-haired boy blinked as he thought back to the unusual events. Was it all a dream of some sort?

"Oh yeah and uh…something unexpected came up and I have to bring my sister with me because both my parents are busy."

"…a-ano…"

The taller boy has to bend down a little to see the owner of that tiny voice hiding behind his partner's leg.

"…Takao Kazumi desu."

A cute ponytailed elementary schooler looks up at him with a close-eyed smile, before opening her eyes to reveal adorable light green orbs. Midorima stays silent for a few seconds before introducing himself.

And then, he faints.

"S-Shin-chan?!"

"S-Shin-niisan?!"

* * *

_**~OWARI~**_

* * *

…**um…this is awkward.**

**So…I'll just be sitting here waiting for favs and reviews to tell me what you readers think of my weird brand of crack.**

**Posted: 13/02/2013 (dd/mm/yyyy)**


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